This week is…not going as expected. I’m musing on it below the jump, I have some thoughts that I need to get out of my system, but they’re not relevant to the project, just to art workflow/process. Art/ideas in the next post.
Liveblogging this may have been a bad idea, between the super slow internet ( I seriously can barely get google image searches to load ), the refusing-to-budge headcold and some personal safety things that I’d rather not go into, this week is really trying to get in my way. I dont regret the idea, I just worry that I’m not painting the best picture of myself, folding like a deck o cards the moment I get the sniffles.
Im still stabbing away at the project, the kind of workflow I had on monday hasnt been achieveable today either though, and this makes me a little frustrated. Workflow is the one thing I find difficult to nail down at times, perhaps this isnt something I should be saying in public, but I’ve found that when one usually only has evenings and weekends free for concept work, one has to kinda schedule around fatigue and stress a lot, its doable but you have to be loose with yourself in order to properly decompress from a full work day .
Bearing in mind your fatigue and letting yourself get away with that slight looseness is kinda important for maintaining an evening/weekend schedule that can be full on, but I’ve found that this isnt necessarily compatible when switching over to suddenly having a string of full day to work on concepts. You’d think it’d just be like having an extended weekend, but headcolds aside, suddenly having a day without the day job and then still sitting at the same desk in the same chair can make you feel a bit…resistant.
I dont mean looseness like rough drawings, those are quite important either way- I mean being more forgiving of personal excuses, of ‘ Oh my head hurts’ ‘Oh I had a really bad day at work and I need to just chill and watch a movie ‘ -because if you dont look after yourself, you’re not really even gonna have any evenings and weekends.
I was really hard on myself in the past, evenings and weekends were full of what turned into a lot of guilt and anxiety, just worrying that i’ll never get the day job I want, that it feels like I’ve been working towards forever but am still just not good enough to do it – and when some actual big deal personal things ( big life altering things, bigger than just having a cold ) hit me that got worse. I got past those times, and the way I work now feels healthier for evenings and weekends, but god, I’d love the opportunity to grab a full time gig and get to really nail my flow for longer time stretches. I dont know, perhaps I’m too easy on myself now, Ironically, perhaps I need to do a better job of focusing. Monday worked well because I broke my schedule down by the hour, more or less. I didnt do that today because things got in the way, and I was too soft on myself – but I really should have.
Heck, maybes I’m closer to this than I think. Perhaps the madness that is imposter syndrome RE me and concept art is getting in the way a bit here to boot? Who knows. What I do know is, tomorrow is another day, and if this mini project doesnt hit my vague 3 day plan, thats OK, and if this has to go past xmas…well, that was a really good hard deadline, dangit but if I break this down into hours, if I say I have say, 30 left, or that I absolutely must do 8 a day, and then I actually schedule those 8, things should start to flow along.
Its weird because I do my day job hours without even thinking, but at times its like, when its concept concept art I just freeze up and feel like I have to produce a certificate to prove im worthy of holding a pencil before I even start. I swear I intimidated myself with that flapling.
Theres a flow to this, its not ancient magic, its just art.
If you’re stuck in the same spot as me, just keep going, we can do it, itll be cool.